Sometimes we wonder, given the many counsels the Holy Bible offers, what it truly says about marriage and family. The answer is clear: the Bible presents wonderful teachings about these topics. Through this Bible study, we will see that true love is the essential foundation of marriage and family.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)
The Biblical Model of Family
The family is such a special institution that it reflects God’s great love for it. The Bible provides the ideal model for the family, emphasizing its grandeur and the unchanging values that should remain steadfast, for the family, according to God’s plan, is perfect.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:18-24)
It is impossible to discuss family without mentioning marriage, just as it is impossible to talk about marriage without considering family. According to the dictionary, a family is a group of people united by kinship or emotional bonds living together in a household. One of the foundational pillars of the family is love, defined as a feeling of affection and a demonstration of care between beings capable of expressing it.
Love as the Central Pillar of Family
The family must be grounded in love, for it is the central foundation of its existence. The Bible guides us on how to care for our family in every aspect, highlighting the characteristics of true love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Love Endures Patiently
When the Bible says that love is patient, it does not mean that love is about suffering. Rather, it teaches that true love endures suffering with patience. God’s perfect love is the model to follow. Every marriage and family faces challenges that cause pain, but familial love remains steadfast.
This enduring love is reflected in wedding vows: “I promise to be with you in joy and sorrow, in sickness and health, in riches and poverty, loving you, respecting you, and being faithful to you all the days of my life, until death do us part.” These words encompass both joy and suffering. True love remains unshaken in times of prosperity or scarcity, in abundance or simplicity, like sharing a simple cake with the same joy as dining at a fancy restaurant. Life is like a stock market chart: up one day, down the next. Enduring love is subtle in times of plenty and vibrant in times of want.
Love is Kind and Free of Envy
Those who love God desire the good of their spouse and family, acting with kindness and without ulterior motives. True love knows no envy, a selfish feeling that covets what belongs to others. All actions rooted in love are good, true, and never aim to harm another.
Love is Respectful and Selfless
Those who love do not act recklessly, impulsively, or arrogantly. Love brings gentleness, patience, and kindness. It is cautious, respects the boundaries of decency, and is not selfish, prioritizing the well-being and happiness of the loved one over personal interests.
Love is Understanding and Just
Love is calm, understanding, and never aggressive. It is not jealous, for trust is part of its essence. Love is ready to listen and understand, not to argue or condemn. It seeks truth, rejects injustice, and values sincerity.
Love is Resilient
Love in the family faces pain, challenges, and moments of waiting, but it also finds strength, patience, and reward. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres, reflecting the resilience and hope that sustain the home.
The Four Pillars of Marriage in Ephesians
Returning to our anchor text, Ephesians 5:33 emphasizes love and respect as the cornerstones of marriage:
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)
Just as Jesus Christ loved the Church to the point of giving His life for her, God expects husbands to care for their wives with the same sacrificial love, willing, if necessary, to lay down their lives for them. The Bible designates the husband as the “head of the wife,” a responsibility that includes four essential pillars for the family:
- Provision: Meeting the spiritual and material needs of the family.
- Protection: Offering love, security, and care for the wife’s well-being, as Christ does for the Church.
- Honor: Showing understanding, appreciation, and consideration for the wife.
- Faithfulness: Maintaining complete loyalty and commitment in married life.
Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church. (Ephesians 5:28-29)
The Importance of Self-Love
Based on these verses, a reflective question arises: do you love yourself? This question is crucial because it is impossible to truly love another person without first loving oneself. Those who do not love themselves tend to prioritize their own desires, neglecting the good of their spouse or family.
For example, someone who does not love themselves may not encourage their spouse to improve financially if they are struggling, as they cannot motivate themselves. Loving oneself is the foundation for loving the family, following the model of Jesus, who gave up His glory to give His life for the Church. This sacrificial love inspires respect and love in the wife, just as the Church acknowledges Christ’s sacrifice.
Valuing the Qualities of the Family
Regardless of how many years we’ve been married or how many children we have, recognizing where we err and changing our attitudes strengthens the marriage and family. Do not let your spouse’s or family’s flaws overshadow their qualities.
Consider two flaws and three qualities of your spouse. Numerically, three is greater than two. Often, we focus so much on flaws that we become blind to qualities, which always outweigh shortcomings. Focusing on qualities strengthens family bonds.
True Love Overcomes Challenges
When we talk about marriage and family, we know it’s not all roses—thorns exist and will try to pierce love. The fairy-tale love of stories is not real; the true love created by God is pure, original, and perfect in its imperfections.
As Bárbara Flores said: “Love is like a small boat. To sail forward, the crew must row in the same direction with the same intensity. It’s not enough for one to row or command; both must be in sync, in the same rhythm, to face strong waves without letting the boat sink. Even if the boat is damaged, they must stay together, learning to swim side by side. Love endures everything: a wave, an obstacle, a storm. Even when it seems beyond repair, there is always a way to save it. It requires faith, effort, rowing, and rekindling love.”
